Today's celebration was bittersweet. We had a feast to honor and thank our priest and his family for their service to our church and to our families, personally. They have been leaders, workers, companions, friends, family. They have set up and torn down our sanctuary each week for seven years, the wife has led music, their sons and daughters have been acolytes, one son played drums for worship, they've read scripture passages, hosted bible studies, cleaned up, made meals, babysat, helped marriages in trouble, families dealing with hardship, they've celebrated success and joy with us, they have prayed with and for us, played with us, feasted with us. We love them, and think ever so highly of them. Rich has said that Fr. Joe has been the best pastor he has ever been under, and he was a good friend to Rich as well.

So, I made the meal that Fr. Joe has been wanting again for about a year, and something he wanted to share again as a church family. Other people made things for them that they liked. We wanted them to know that they have our love and that we all want good for them. I decided at the last minute, to make cornbread for their oldest son, Jordan, who has been in love with my recipe since he first had it. He has actually babysat for a pan of that cornbread to himself rather than pay. However in our cooking spree late last night, I forgot about it, so I will have to do a drive by cornbreading soon.

However, today's occasion came about because they are no longer our priestly family. Today was the last Sunday that Fr. Joe, Marthie and the rest of their family served at our church and worshiped with us. It is going to be sad and difficult without them. Knowing it's been coming has been hard, and knowing we won't be in each other's lives each week and many days each week is breaking our hearts. They have been closer than friends and family, and we began missing them when we first found out in June. Today is exactly two months since Rich and I first found out, and we have been grieving ever since. It is hard to imagine our daily and weekly life without them, and tears have been flowing quite a bit over those past two months.

I am sad for our children, who will no longer see their children as often. Sad that we will no longer be leading their children in Laudate, that we won't be able to watch them grow up day by day as we have over the past five years. We have seen their sons grow into godly, intelligent, handsome, strong young men, who will make wonderful husbands and fathers, who will lead wherever they go. We have seen their daughters grow into godly, beautiful young women, with grace and kindness, the loveliness we all wish for in ourselves and in others. This is the closest relationship we have ever had with a church family, and especially with the clergy. Our lives have been intertwined almost from the beginning of our time with them. We have laughed and cried, we have had hard words, and we now are parting ways.

Each Sunday, as we awaited this parting, was like a little funeral, and I don't know what next Sunday will be like with them gone. This separation has a finality to it as well. Fr. Joe will no longer be Fr. Joe after today. He is leaving the priesthood entirely, and leaving our church to join another church, where he will be under another priest. This leaving has been a tearing of our hearts, a breaking. They leave on good terms, and we wish them well. They are heading East, to Orthodoxy, and it is a good church. It is just a hard thing that has pain marked all over it.

Things like this always change relationships, but when it is clergy leaving, it is always more complicated. We are fortunate that this could be done without rancor, but it is hard to think that we will no longer share the deep relationship we have had. They will rightly become more involved with their new church, and we will be involved with this church. This is how it ought to be. I cannot help crying a little about it, though, at this tearing apart.

I am sure that our new priest will be a fine leader, and that we will grow to love him as we have loved this family, but this is a hard path that I wish we did not have to walk. We've left churches because of moves, and kept good relationships with the people and clergy, and we've had clergy move because of chaplaincy, and kept good relationships with them. This time, it is more difficult. It is a relationship breaking, and it will take some time before we are all healed again. I think it is going to be hard for our new priest, as well, since ours is a small, intimate, closely entwined church family, and all of us are wounded right now. It will be tough for us to welcome him in as he deserves.

We have had a hard week, explaining to our children what is to come. We waited, as we weren't certain how it was to work out and what the timeline was, so we didn't want to worry and unsettle them for a long time. We will see how they deal with it in the days to come. Except for Alexander and Dominic, who have slight memories of our old church, this is the only church and the only rector that our children know of as their own. Fr. Bryce, who we love so much, is a priest we visit, and who visits us, not their priest, even though he married us and baptized them. This hurt is so deep and raw right now. I feel like we could all weep for months.

Even the transition, so pragmatic and practical, has been painful: Who will take over the keys, the altar guild, the church checkbook, the contact numbers, who will make sure there is good coffee for coffee hour, etc. Things that should be easy and normal now hurt. Then, there have been all the lasts: The last bible study as a church, the last eucharist together, the last Sunday service, the last men's breakfast, the last St. Martha's Guild, the last Laudate with them. Rich is preparing for the diaconate, and he had hoped he would be serving with Fr. Joe. Though he is honored to serve the church in general and whomever the bishop sends as priest, he had been looking forward to serving as a brother to Fr. Joe, as well as a son.

A silly part of me enjoyed thinking of the possibility of our children growing up together and possibly falling in love. If Amira and Christopher are already married, after all, perhaps Alexander or Dominic could marry Tori. I intended to put the cornbread recipe in a note to Jordan, so he can make it for himself now that he's a man and heading to college, but forgot that along with a few other things.

Fr. Joseph, who has been such a gentle friend, trusted confessor, model father, and spiritual leader, Marthie, who has been one of my best girlfriends, shared road trips, campouts, inside jokes and tears, Jordan, who we have seen grow from an awkward adolescent, who was sometimes a bit too harsh and insensitive, to a man, full of kindness and humility, Spencer, who has grown from a child and wisecracker into a spiritually mature young man, whose gentleness and love of children has survived all of his changes, Laurel, who could be flighty, is becoming a graceful young woman of substance and beauty, Riley, whose humor and conviviality has entertained and cheered us, who shares the rest of his family's love and gentleness with children, we won't get to see grow up as closely (and we'll never get to have him in Laudate), Victoria, closest to Alexander's age, has been a help and friend to us and to our children, Christopher who was a nursing baby when we first met, and now is entering kindergarten, and becoming quite a sweet little boy, we love and miss you all. May God be with you and make your burdens light, may He grow ever closer to you as you strive to grow ever closer to Him.

There has already been some good in all of this. Today's service and our meal together were already a healing. I have more to write about on that score, but for now, the grief is still strong. Lord, have mercy on us all. Please pray for us, for our priest and his family, for our church, for the man sent by our bishop, under the Holy Spirit's guidance. We all need the healing.

Labels: Faith and Morality, Family, Prayer Requests