Monday, June 11, 2007
Another Freakishly Large Family
I found this story linked on another site today. You may have to register to read it. It is about a family with five children. The mother is 30. It was a timely reference, because I had a positive comment at the post office today, while I was there with my five children.
The gentleman behind me in line tapped me on the shoulder and said that he wanted to tell me how beautiful and well behaved my children were. Who wouldn't love this man instantly? He then related how he and his wife had had five children, and now have 13 grandchildren. He talked about all the idiotic comments they got from people, and we laughed about some of the more common ones:
"Are all of them yours?!" (Actually, no, I just found these poor urchins on the street and couldn't believe that nobody was taking care of them, so I brought them into the store with me).
"Are you done yet?" (Well, you know everything is cheaper by the dozen! We have a deal with the surgeon now, and the sixth one is free!)
"Don't you know where babies come from?" (Actually, yes - thanks for checking, though.)
"I'm glad I don't have that many!" (Me, too!)
One of my personal favorites, though, "You know you don't have to have one every time!" (If they think this was every time, well. I'm sorry for them is all I'll say about that.)
These are almost always said in front of my children (the gentleman remembered that, too). I am too polite to say what I really think to most of these people, and wouldn't want to be a bad example to my children, but I have all sorts of answers for them. This man in the post office said, after we laughed a little at the stupid people who don't know what is coming out of their mouths, "You probably hear that you're using up all the resources from those environmentalists nowadays." I smiled and said those people don't even talk to us. They avert their eyes or glare, depending.
To be fair, most of the comments we get are positive. People are so amazed at our childrens' manners, politeness, kindness. Even the most clueless usually end up saying something to the effect that obviously people like me/us are the ones who ought to have all these children. I try to remember that most people don't mean to be intrusive, rude or cruel. I also wish they would stop acting like we asked them to babysit and loan us $50 just because we have the children. That is something I've said to a few people, we aren't asking you to pay for them or take care of them, so why do you care? It is amazing to me how people who have never met you, don't even know your name and have no moral, financial or emotional responsibility over you will feel free to comment about a private choice. I had a woman in a public restroom screech all sorts of assinine things, again in front of three of my children, even though she didn't know me from Adam.
So, we work at teaching our children that they are blessings. That children are blessings. We tell them that having children isn't fun every second, that it is hard work, and that it requires that you do what is necessary, regardless of what you feel like doing at that moment (and when they tell me they don't feel like doing their chores, I point out that I don't feel like changing diapers, and cleaning up spills and doing eleventy billion loads of laundry a day, but aren't they glad I don't let that get in the way of my doing it), but that it is worth it and that the joys and rewards are much greater than the effort and work. We are also grateful that we are friends with several large families, our church family is welcoming to large families, and is excited at the prospect of a new child, rather than repulsed that the Western standard of below replacement level fertility isn't being upheld. I hope it softens the blow when they hear some moron spout off about how there are too many of them. They take it for granted that a large family is good, and plan for our next baby. I am encouraged by that. I also take comfort in the knowledge that most of the boorish low population crowd is dying out without having replaced themselves. They have either one child or no children, and their tribe is decreasing.
One day I will work up the courage to ask one of these people to let us know which one we shouldn't have had, or which one we should kill. It probably won't shame them, but it might shut them up.
The gentleman behind me in line tapped me on the shoulder and said that he wanted to tell me how beautiful and well behaved my children were. Who wouldn't love this man instantly? He then related how he and his wife had had five children, and now have 13 grandchildren. He talked about all the idiotic comments they got from people, and we laughed about some of the more common ones:
"Are all of them yours?!" (Actually, no, I just found these poor urchins on the street and couldn't believe that nobody was taking care of them, so I brought them into the store with me).
"Are you done yet?" (Well, you know everything is cheaper by the dozen! We have a deal with the surgeon now, and the sixth one is free!)
"Don't you know where babies come from?" (Actually, yes - thanks for checking, though.)
"I'm glad I don't have that many!" (Me, too!)
One of my personal favorites, though, "You know you don't have to have one every time!" (If they think this was every time, well. I'm sorry for them is all I'll say about that.)
These are almost always said in front of my children (the gentleman remembered that, too). I am too polite to say what I really think to most of these people, and wouldn't want to be a bad example to my children, but I have all sorts of answers for them. This man in the post office said, after we laughed a little at the stupid people who don't know what is coming out of their mouths, "You probably hear that you're using up all the resources from those environmentalists nowadays." I smiled and said those people don't even talk to us. They avert their eyes or glare, depending.
To be fair, most of the comments we get are positive. People are so amazed at our childrens' manners, politeness, kindness. Even the most clueless usually end up saying something to the effect that obviously people like me/us are the ones who ought to have all these children. I try to remember that most people don't mean to be intrusive, rude or cruel. I also wish they would stop acting like we asked them to babysit and loan us $50 just because we have the children. That is something I've said to a few people, we aren't asking you to pay for them or take care of them, so why do you care? It is amazing to me how people who have never met you, don't even know your name and have no moral, financial or emotional responsibility over you will feel free to comment about a private choice. I had a woman in a public restroom screech all sorts of assinine things, again in front of three of my children, even though she didn't know me from Adam.
So, we work at teaching our children that they are blessings. That children are blessings. We tell them that having children isn't fun every second, that it is hard work, and that it requires that you do what is necessary, regardless of what you feel like doing at that moment (and when they tell me they don't feel like doing their chores, I point out that I don't feel like changing diapers, and cleaning up spills and doing eleventy billion loads of laundry a day, but aren't they glad I don't let that get in the way of my doing it), but that it is worth it and that the joys and rewards are much greater than the effort and work. We are also grateful that we are friends with several large families, our church family is welcoming to large families, and is excited at the prospect of a new child, rather than repulsed that the Western standard of below replacement level fertility isn't being upheld. I hope it softens the blow when they hear some moron spout off about how there are too many of them. They take it for granted that a large family is good, and plan for our next baby. I am encouraged by that. I also take comfort in the knowledge that most of the boorish low population crowd is dying out without having replaced themselves. They have either one child or no children, and their tribe is decreasing.
One day I will work up the courage to ask one of these people to let us know which one we shouldn't have had, or which one we should kill. It probably won't shame them, but it might shut them up.
Labels: Culture and Politics, Family
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Oh, you would not believe the comments we got when we found out we were pregnant with twins. Basically it was, "What are you going to do?" and "I could never have twins! Like a filled out a form and signed up for this! I felt like I was 16 and my boyfriend got me pregnant! So these were my responses:
1) We are going to separate them at birth and sell off the movie rights to pay for Shmuely's college.
2) We are going to separate all three of the kids and sell that off for movie rights and retire nicely.
3) We are going to keep one in the closet as a back up in case we screw up with the first one.
It is like you said Ranee the people who are sure they are doing the right thing by not having kids are creating their own extinction, so in a few years we won't have to worry about them. The same thing is happening here. The non-religious who are currently running the country into the ground are not having kids. But the religious are, therefore it will be our religious kids running the country in a few years!
Come visit Israel, 5 kids is an average to small family!
Enjoy your beautiful children, they are a gift from G-d and ignore the idiots, they are too many educate and soon they will be gone anyway! And if you get desperate you can always tell them you know someone in England with 13 kids. This is one of our friends here. She is one of 13.
Alina
1) We are going to separate them at birth and sell off the movie rights to pay for Shmuely's college.
2) We are going to separate all three of the kids and sell that off for movie rights and retire nicely.
3) We are going to keep one in the closet as a back up in case we screw up with the first one.
It is like you said Ranee the people who are sure they are doing the right thing by not having kids are creating their own extinction, so in a few years we won't have to worry about them. The same thing is happening here. The non-religious who are currently running the country into the ground are not having kids. But the religious are, therefore it will be our religious kids running the country in a few years!
Come visit Israel, 5 kids is an average to small family!
Enjoy your beautiful children, they are a gift from G-d and ignore the idiots, they are too many educate and soon they will be gone anyway! And if you get desperate you can always tell them you know someone in England with 13 kids. This is one of our friends here. She is one of 13.
Alina
I think you need a good Miss Manners style response. One this is entirely polite, but still embarrasses those people with a functioning brain. I think I maybe "we feel very blessed" or "each one is a blessing", and maybe "Which one shouldn't we have had?"
They have either one child or no children, and their tribe is decreasing.
I wouldn't take comfort in that. I suspect boorishness exists regardless of a person's family size. Perhaps those from large families will be boorish in different ways. . .
They have either one child or no children, and their tribe is decreasing.
I wouldn't take comfort in that. I suspect boorishness exists regardless of a person's family size. Perhaps those from large families will be boorish in different ways. . .
We only have three kids, but even I get comments! But that could be more that my oldest just turned 4 in April...
I'm still recovering from "Do they all have the same dad?" Which, of course, was asked right in front of my four.
It's neat since we moved. Up in Salem, most families seemed to have one or two kids. Down here, five or six isn't at all uncommmon.
It's neat since we moved. Up in Salem, most families seemed to have one or two kids. Down here, five or six isn't at all uncommmon.
I am the eldest of eight children, I can completely understand where you are coming from! The thing that really annoys me is when people stare when all 10 of us walk in to a restaurant! LOL
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